I almost had a second thought.

Almost.

For some reason it took a long time.

Perhaps time drew itself out for me.

It wasn't so hard to do it here-

It was the hope things would be better

Over there

Because things were so bad over here.

Things can only get better.

And now I begin to concentrate on what I am doing.

Okay. Do this, do this, do this.

Am I ready?

Um...yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Breathe.

I shake my head, clear my thoughts, look at the black hole in my face.

Can I do this?

Uh...yes.

Yes! Yes! Yes I can!

I get a good grip on the handle.

So awkward, it's supposed to face the other way.

My finger is slippery with sweat. I feel a drop of sweat roll down

my cheek - or was it a tear?

No matter, here I go.

Breathe.

I rest the barrel on my lower lip, curled over my teeth to keep the

metal from scraping like nails on a chalkboard.

Another deep breath.

I relish this one like no other.

I bring it in through my nose and let it out through my mouth,

watching the blued metal fog for one instant.

I close my eyes.

No time like the present.

The trigger is so cold, I am so cold.

Here I come.

Here I come.

Watch me. Here I come.

Oh God, I am so cold.