Peach Pie and Bleach - jan. 2000
by:  Nicholas Morgan

     I needed a job. I had too have $ to keep up with my habits. I hated the thought of being woken up by a shitty alarm clock at 7 am, but we all must make sacrifices in order to fulfill the small sometimes-useless addictions that spark a smile in the murkiness of one's soul. Selling $200 dollars worth of music CD's for 50 bucks was getting old, not to mention, pissing me off.
     I responded to an ad in the paper for a painting job. Some fellow named Gary called me back the next day. I was hired on the spot, low pay and nine hours a day. I had painted eleven years ago after just getting out of high school, in California. From what I could remember, every painter in California was one of the biggest pot smoking, super freaks I had ever met. I wanted something new. If I had to work shit jobs, I'd at least cut the deck and shuffle a few times. Who knows? Maybe that lucky three of clubs was still out there.
     It was my first day on the job. I drove my hunk of crap truck over to my new boss's house at 7:30 a.m. The new boss, Gary Giligan, was going to take Tom and me over to the house we were painting. Tom was his right hand man; he did all the painting and gave me bossy orders to follow. Gary Giligan basically drove around in his big expensive truck all day long, talking on his cell phone and setting up more customers. He was the contractor man. The company I painted for was called Giligan and Sons painting. I didn't really understand the name cause he had no sons. Whatever works, I guess.
     Anyway, we were driving over to the job; Tom, Gary and me. They were chatting away, talking in paint jargon. I was squashed in the back seat of an extended cab; 4 by 4 truck, dreaming of a cigarette. They had already established they weren't cigarette smokers. I didn't have much to say to them, but asked a few dumb questions about painting, just to show them I had some interest in my new job.
     We pulled up to a house hidden in the woods, with a long driveway. It had money written all over it. It was an enormous habitation. The owners came out and talked with Gary for a while. He made introductions, telling them Tom was in charge. They were your typical yuppie couple: kids, dogs, cats, etc. There was something odd about them that I couldn't really place. The housewife gave me a lingering smile as she shook my hand. Her big brown eyes told me she was horny. Maybe it was just my under sexed mind working in over-drive.      Before long, Gary backed the trailer he was towing into a spot the owners had chosen at the end of their driveway. Then he was off. Tom was having me fill some water and bleach into some type of spray pump. He told me to mix it half-and-half. He was un-latching the lock on the trailer and putting gas in a big motored machine. After I had the bleach and water mixed, I asked him what was next.
     We went on to the deck which over looked flourishing woods on a steep hill. At the bottom of the hill was a mossy filled river. There were wooden steps which extended off the balcony and led down to the river. Tom started showing me that I had to spray this bleach and water all over the wooden deck and steps in order to get the mold off. He was sipping on a drink he had in a plastic coffee cup. I could smell the distinct fumes of orange juice and vodka coming from his breath.
     "Think you can handle this?" Tom said, squinting at me as the sun came out.
     "Not a problem." I responded.
     "Ok, then I'm going to go finish getting the power washer ready."
     "Ok," I said while pulling out my smokes.
     "You can't smoke on the job. It looks bad in front of the customers." Tom said while looking at me.
     "Are you serious?"
     "Yes, maybe you can sneak off into the woods during a break and have one though."
     "Ok then." I said, while spraying the deck, the horrific smell of bleach crawling up my nose.
     There were windows to the house surrounding the deck. I was spraying the bleach all over, and glanced in the window for a second. It looked like the three kids they had were leaving for school. The housewife was handing them their lunches, smooching them on their foreheads as they headed out the door. I tried to pretend I wasn't watching. Then the husband came up to the wife. He was a scrawny looking nerdy guy with a nice suit on. I assumed he was some sort of scientist or computer engineer. He started kissing his wife. It was a long dank kiss with full tongue action. He grabbed her ass, smacked it, then was out the door. I couldn't help being a peeping tom. I started getting an instant headache from the bleach smell.
     After the husband split, she turned and looked at me through the window. She gave me an immense smile and licked her lips in a provocative fashion. I pretended I didn't notice and looked down at the deck. It would have turned me on more if she weren't so obese and hideous. She came out on the deck and stared at me.
     "Sure is a nice place you have here." I said.
     "I'm a city girl. I'm still trying to adjust to this country style living."
     "I see."
     "Your name was Oliver, wasn't it?"
     "Yep, that's my name." I said.
     "Can you come inside the house for a minute and help me?"
     "With what?"
     "You'll see, just need a man's help for a minute."
     "Ok."
     As she led me into the house, I noticed Tom carting over the power washer. He saw me going into the house and gave me a peculiar look. Tom had one of those faces that drooped on one side, a mild deformity of some sort. He walked with a limp. He sort of shook his head at me, as if to say; "Don't go in there."
     She led me to her bedroom, pointing at her TV.
     "I can't seem to get the cable to work. Do you know how to fix it?"      "I can take a look at it."
     As I was messing with the cable cord, she moved closer to me, bending down, exposing her pale; cow like breasts.
     She started rubbing the back of my neck with her hand. I felt like I was stuck in a bad porn movie. I turned and looked at her. She grabbed my body with intensity, pulling me towards her lips.
     "Take me, please, take me now," she whispered in my ear.
     "Maybe some other time, I have to get back to work." I said, pulling away from her desperate hands.
     "Anytime you want baby, any time." she said, in somewhat of a psychotic tone as I headed back outside.
     Tom was power washing the deck. I grabbed the bleach and water sprayer and went back to work. I asked him after a bout an hour of this, if we could switch for a while. I wanted to use that power washer. It looked like fun.
     "Sorry, this thing can be dangerous. You have to have more experience before you can handle this heavy machinery!" Tom yelled, over the loud machine as a powerful stream of water shot out of the nozzle.
     "Ok then!" I yelled back.
     I could feel the bleach eating away at my hands and circulating through my blood.
     The horny housewife came out and interrupted our work. She had two plates of Peach pie for us. We stopped working for a minute.
     "I thought you boys might like to try my peach pie." she said.
     "Why thank you Mam." Tom said, grabbing a plate from her hand.
     "I'm not hungry," I muttered.
     "Are you sure you don't want to try some of my peach pie?"
     "Not right now, thanks."
     "Well, I have to go run some errands while my kids are at school. You boys feel free to grab a soda pop in the basement or use the bathroom if you have to." she said, winking at us.
     "Ok."
     "Ok."
     She drove off in some disco 1980's looking Camero with flames painted on the side of it.
     Tom and me sat on her porch and he gobbled down her peach pie.
     "What happened in there anyway?"
     "Nothing Tom. She's just a horny lady, that's all."
     "Why didn't you fuck her?"
     "Cause she's nasty looking."
     "Well, lemmee tell ya something. A wise man once told me, when I was about your age, beauty is only a light switch away."
     I started cracking up, "That's a good one Tom."
     Tom told me to get back to work cause it wasn't my break time yet.
     "Can I have a smoke break first?"
     "Not yet." he responded.
     He was starting to piss me off. I needed my nicotine.
     He told me to get the extension ladder out and spray bleach on the upper part of the house in the hard to reach areas. He seemed to sit on his ass for another good half-hour as I worked.
     What a pain, I thought to myself. Stupid fucking job.
     "I'm gonna go take a shit,and grab a soda pop." he said after a while, without offering to get me one.
     I was up on the ladder, wobbling around, trying to spray bleach into little corners of the highest part of the house. The wind picked up a little and the spray kept gusting down into my face, getting in my eyes.
     "This sucks." I mumbled to myself, spitting some bleach out of my mouth and wiping my eyes off.
     Tom had been in the house for at least 15 minutes now. I wondered what the hell he was doing in there while I was out here doing the work he didn't want to do.
     I moved the ladder to another section of the house, near the horny ladies bedroom window. What I saw next was rather disturbing. I looked in the window while spraying more bleach in the air. I saw Tom in her bedroom; he was looking in her bedroom mirror, in nothing but a pair of women's panties, dancing around like a ballerina and rubbing his cock.
     He noticed I was at the window and quickly grabbed his clothes, while shutting her underwear drawer and disappeared out of sight.
     What a sick fuck, I thought to myself. I heard him a few minutes later, starting up the power washer again. After about two more hours, he finally said, "Lunch time Oliver."
     We sat on the cold cement driveway eating our lunch. He was eating a delicious looking roast beef sandwich, with the works. I was nibbling spoonfuls of cold pea and carrot soup I had made the night before, in a drunken mess.
     Tom stared at me as he gorged on his sandwich.
     "Hey, uhh, umm, as far as what you saw me doing, we can keep that our little secret, hey?"
     "Well, that depends Tom." I said, lighting up a cigarette and putting the poopy tasting soup back in my crumpled up brown paper bag.
     "Depends on what?" Tom asked in a nervous laugh.
     "I'm gonna lay down the rules here Tom. I'm going to smoke when and where I feel like it. Your going to do the crappy work, just like me. We'll take turns. Plus, I'll take a break whenever I feel like it. Got it?"
    "You little black-mailing fucker! I doubt Gary would even believe you if you told him what you saw." he whimpered.
     "Hmm. The choice is yours Tom. I can tell a pretty convincing story."
     "Alright. You got a deal. Just keep your mouth shut. " he said, fidgeting around in a tense manner.
     "My lips are sealed. Scouts honor." I said, lighting up a reefer joint.
     Tom looked like he was going to say something else but just mumbled something under his vodka smelling breath.
     "Gimmee the rest of that sandwich too." I said, blowing a cloud of marijuana smoke into his face.

Nicholas Morgan

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