I've had top dentures for 18 years, since I was 26 years old: hereditary, weak gums, lack of dental care when I was a kid, who knows, but I had them and they finally bit the dust. plus one other tooth kept falling out periodically but for the past year, super-glue did the trick. fruit loops was today's brunch and the late-morning news and while I chewed a spoonful, another front tooth chipped-off and I swallowed the chip along with the fruit loops. it was time for new.

     "is this when I open my mou…?" and before I was through with my question, the doc's rubberized forefinger was inside, down toward the back of my mouth.
     "do you gag?" he asked.
     Lisa stood next to the little spit sink on the other side of the chair, her eyes to the ceiling, holding her breath, knowing me and that her former warning was in vain. and then it came out but I didn't answer Dr. Steve. I looked at Lisa as he pulled his finger out of my mouth.
     "gawd Lisa..." I said. "...you didn't tell me the doctor gets this personal."
     "no, as a matter of fact I don't." I said as I looked at the doc.
     Dr. Steve turned to the counter and I could hear a muffled chuckle. he told Lisa to get the x-ray things ready. embarrassed, Lisa didn't say a word. she acted like she didn't know me. she left the room fast.
     the doc tugged at my mouth; stretched it to the left side, then to the right and then out straight. my eyes went back and forth the same way he stretched my mouth. he looked at my eyes doing that, then he looked back into my mouth but, I thought, what else can you do with your eyes?
     "your gums are irritated and swollen." he said.
     "that's because I scrubbed them better than the kitchen floor before I came here." I answered.
     "rinse your mouth with warm salt water when you go home and before your next appointment, before your second impression."
     "when is my next appointment? I need these teeth before I go west on the 17th." I said.
     "I don't think we can have them ready that fast." Dr. Steve said.
     "you hafta." I said.
     "well, you will have to be in this office every time I need you here." he replied.
     "no problem doc." I replied, giving him the thumbs up signal.
     "I'm going to take the first impression today. I'll be back in a few minutes with this stuff that's like plaster of paris..." the doc explained. "...it will get hard in your mouth and will give us the first impression for your new plate."
     "alright…" I snickered. "I can take it like that."
 Dr. Steve looked up at the Montel Williams show on the television while Lisa started the x-ray's inside of my mouth, in various areas and positions.
     "I don't know how those people can go on national tv and discuss their private lives like that." he said as he walked out of the room. I couldn't answer or talk back with the x-ray stuff in my mouth. Lisa finished the x-rays and left the room.
     a few minutes later, the doc was back and told me that the x-rays showed that I have healthy bone structure but I had 3 cavities in my bottom teeth. he started probing, picking and examining the bottom teeth with some dentist-like utensil and I thought, how could I have 3 cavities when I've been on a rice-cake and fruit loop diet most of my life and he stuck the plaster of paris stuff in the inside roof part of my mouth and held it there tight til it hardened like concrete. there was a suction sound when he removed it and I didn't gag. he told Lisa that since I didn't gag, she could take the bottom impressions. she did.
     "do you want your new teeth to be designed like the ones you have now?" the doc asked.
     "yep, yep…" I said, "…minus the cracks, chips and broken tooth, tho."
     Lisa laughed that time, but the doc didn't.
     "if you come into the office tomorrow… " he said, "…the same time as today, I can take the second impressions and work on those fillings."
     "o.k., sure, no problem." I answered.
     I picked my worn-out top plate from the small bowl and pointed to the tooth that was missing and I took a baggie out of my purse with the missing tooth in it.
     "I was wondering doc…" I asked, "…could you repair this tooth. I ran out of super-glue."
    he replaced the missing tooth. I went to the office counter and confirmed the next appointment with Lisa.
     "now that wasn't so bad, was it?" I said to Lisa.
     "gawd…" she laughed, "…all of these years that I've known you, I still never know what's going to come out of your mouth.
     "yea, yea, I've learned that this kinda stuff has it's advantages and it's the best times when I have a lover that appreciates it when they do come out!"

     alright, I think you had to be there! HAR! and it is now Saturday, one past last night. gooD night already!