the harangue by: Goo
april. 2000

     ...found out Im being evicted and my roomate is a downer, brooding and depressing about everything that happens, a true pessimisst his depression attempts to prevail, and I with my own issues of constant assault upon my Ego and self. seeing Bill in this way only incites me more to smile and let it go. these days the worse things seem the happier and I have long ago recognized the potent qualities to enhance an individual through pain and strife. not alot has been gained from the happy times, but hardened experience and learned compassion through hazzards of being are benefits among many if one can survive the trying times and listen and learn....
     taking the dog in saturday to be put to sleep. one moment she looks in so much pain and later back to a bit of her nutty self. it kills me to see her this way I love her more than any one human and she has been my one true dependable best friend. she will be missed and looked upon with a smiling heart...
     I havent listened to loud music for so long its almost unnerving, being ejected soon from my domocile allows me to be a bit of a punk, but I am inately kind, never forget, so make that a good punk asshole...
     I refuse to pay my landlord last months rent, nor will I clean this place when I leave. I have been compiling evidence on his stupid ass now for some time. I never throw away documents and receipts. they are more weighty then swords and rifles, if he ever takes me to court. I intend on getting my deposit back also, but being the whimsy monkish type Ill allow him to retain it when I leave. he can use it on a hooker or crack, maybe a brand new oversized black dildo...
     my CD player has been funky for some time. I need to take it in to get fixed since its under warranty, but I do not look forward to pulling out 200 CDs and rplacing them again in the programmed order. technology is a bastard son of a bitch...
     Caits name pops up alot, in my conversations and in my thinking. a person I've never met but have a closer natural attachment of some sort then I do to most of these knuckle heads I am forced to deal with in person most every day...
     a friend owes me some money he said he'd have on monday. I wouldnt have lent it if he'd not have had it. thats money I need for my already late bills, (I dont pay my bills on time ever: a Bukowski trait I've embraced on moral ground)...
     Ive rejected insanity for logic and reason, I've found inflicting a certain level of thinking aimed in a certain direction along with other abilities I've picked up over the years I've learned to center myself in the universe. just when I think I'm truly evolved to a new level, I am transmorphed into a new individual. I do hear voices in my head when I smoke alot of weed, sure, but I recognize these as voices in my head. I find them amusing and non threatening...
     it's nice to be able and sit down and churn out a monthly column in on general sitting. I can tell I haven't written a whole lot lately that and there is so much activity in my life I am now stocked up to full on material, and when all else fails I can always shut myself down and let the invisible forces write for me. I find that material particularly interesting and inciteful...
     I have lost all interest in my ex wife and moved on. she only appeals to me so much as does any other woman with a nice set of tits, a strong ass, pretty face and the right plumbing...
     I never want fame, and now as a philisophical idea I'm trying to convince myself to even avoid all fame and knowledge of my existence when I am gone. the only legacy left being my weight worth in gold for my ideas and other things left behind after I am gone, never attached to me, just floating in benefit upon the general masses. this ideology makes me no more altruistic but burdens me less from the pressures outside of philosophy and reason, or maybe Im just delusional...

 Goo

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